That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
