The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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