you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
