Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
