My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
