you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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