to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Too much gin, very little bucket
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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