i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
