he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
