My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
