That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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