Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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