i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
