She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
