i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
