I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
