Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
