The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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