I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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