Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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