Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
