Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
