so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
