Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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