Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
