i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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