i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
