He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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