you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
