if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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