Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
