Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
