He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
