That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
