he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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