well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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