not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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