Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
