a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
