TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
