he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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