so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
