it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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