So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
