Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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