Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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