just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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