I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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