i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
