Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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