Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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