Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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