Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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